While last year was most definitely the year of catastrophe and disaster, it seems this is the year of death. So my fears, they come to me in threes. My grandmother passed away this afternoon, eight years after a stroke which left her unable to communicate or look after herself. After taking the call from my mother I felt sad but mostly numb and went ahead to the Bridgewater to watch Ryan Adams. All he could do was complain about how he'd rather be with his girlfriend - Lindsey fuckin Lohan - and whine on about how he mighta done too much coke back in Nashville. When he sang he was very good, but fuck you Ryan- people are dying. He made me so angry I almost threw one of the brand new boots I bought earlier right at his head. I was so disappointed that all the songs I've been singing in my head for the last few years were coming out of that potty mouth - but maybe there's some comment on true stardom in the fact that I still think he's a genius and I'm pleased I got to see him play.

First thing I wanted to do when I got home was look at a picture of Nanny to remind myself of who she was before the ravages of old age took away her smile and probably her dignity. The second thing was to take the topaz pendant that she wears in the picture I found, where she and Grandad are stading in front of a blooming cherry tree, from my jewellrey box and put in on my necklace. The third thing was to write this.