I really want to see Marie Antoinette. I wish they were showing it here in Kuala Lumpur. It's raining here too, battering the city as the monsoon shifts, deflating the intense heat a little and washing away the smell of rubbish and shit from the back alleys near my guesthouse. I don't like it here much and though I know I'm only passing through, I’m missing Manchester; my friends and preoccupations. Brian Jonestown on the ipod gave me a pang earlier. I was on my way to book an overnight ticket to Thailand. I looked out from the monorail and hated the city.

The Malay, Chinese and Indian communities here appear to coexist peacably enough, unlike in the past. But the country is only fifty years old. Perhaps partly as a result the nation's binding glue seems to involve the wholehearted adoption of crass global consumer culture. Crap aspects of life in the west like Versace, TGI Fridays, KFC and Paris Hilton drape ugly concrete architecture with the shiny livery of modernity. Which, combined with a lack of obvious alternatives and kicks, Malaysia being a fairly conservative, predominantly Islamic state, is a bit boring and depressing. I'm fighting my inner cultural snob here, knowing that to get any real measure of a city one needs to live it, know its people, not simply take the tourist's digi-eye view.

Bothered on tour: North Borneo. With similar themes.

Get your squirrel out!

Although it's still warm, the seasons are certainly changing. Everyday I pass a collection of trees that yellow further each day. The rain storms have a monsoonal quality. Sleeping with the window open as they pour down is bewitching, and a little scary.

As usual, I am filling notebooks full of reminders, lists and ideas. A tiny coincidence, involving the writing of two different hands has led to catastrophic worry for the past week. I've decided to try to ignore the implications of making a decision. Figuring that listening to country love songs and taking long lie ins will make it easier, when the time comes. Favourite love song of the moment is actually about platonic, brotherly love - but it struck a chord when it was played to me.

"Well, you're my friend, and can you see
Many times we've been out drinking
Many times we've shared our thoughts
Did you ever, ever notice, the kind of thoughts I got
Well you know I have a love, for everyone I know
And you know I have a drive, for life I won't let go
But sometimes this opposition, comes rising up in me
This terrible imposition, comes blacking through my mind

And then I see a darkness, oh no, I see a darkness
Do you know how much I love you?
Cause I'm hoping some day soon
You'll save me from this darkness"

'I See a Darkness', J Cash

But sometimes you want to hide your darkness from your lovers, in case they let you down.
But we go on, because we cannot help oursleves.

_________________

Was slighlty dissappointed by the lack of dialogue in Marie Antoinette although visually, it was stunning. Came home and immediately powdered by hair, put on loads of blusher and wanted to eat a lot of pastel coloured cakes and drink champagne.